“A little background on myself: I am the youngest of eleven children. My mother died when I was six years old. I’ve never had anyone teach me how to be a mother, yet it seems to come naturally to me. I’ve babysat for 20 nieces and nephews, three great-nieces, and a slew of relatives over the years. Since graduating from high school, I’ve worked in childcare. I’ve always babysat for various families and considered myself a natural when it came to caring for children. I had no idea how much three children would affect my life…
I’d wanted to be a foster mom for years. Nonetheless, I was always afraid to begin the foster care path because I didn’t believe a single person like myself could be a foster mother (no spouse, no children). I didn’t think I’d be eligible, but I did some research, asked around, and called anyway. It turns out that all you need to be single or married is to be at least 21 years old! I discussed it with my family and ultimately decided to go for it! I was rooming with my sister at the time when I decided to get my own two-bedroom apartment and begin the process.
I called St. Joseph Orphanage in August of 2016, and they sent me the schedule and everything I needed to begin my lessons. It was a complete emotional roller coaster during the two months of lessons. Some classes were easy to sit through, while others were difficult. Hearing about some of the children that are placed in foster care brought tears to my eyes and broke my heart. I mean, I lost my mother when I was a child, but I couldn’t imagine not having my family. I wanted to take in as many kids as I could at the time.
Classes went on and on, and I was nearing the finish. I had to choose which gender, ethnicity, and age group I wanted to cultivate. There was never any doubt about the situation. African-American and Caucasian were the first two groups I marked. Color is irrelevant to me. Love is love, regardless of skin color. In terms of years, I was thinking of doing ages four and five. I had my home study when my classes were finished, and I was approved for up to four children. ‘Woah…a that’s lot!’ I said. ‘Am I up to the task?’ But I was prepared and confident in my abilities. It was now time to get going!
St. Josephs told me that they may get a call at any time of day requesting a child’s placement and then had to find a home. They would then submit your information as well as your home study, and you would be paired. I waited in anticipation. I called my case manager one day and told her I was thinking about having a baby. She said she’d put it on my to-do list. I had no idea that the next day would bring a phone call! ‘We have a five-day-old baby that needs to be adopted.’ ‘How old are you?!’ I wondered. I couldn’t say no when she gave me some background information. Sure, yes, yes, he can come to my house, I told her. Elijah Lee Hill visited my home on December 8, 2016. When they brought this small little infant into my home, my heart absolutely fell. As it turned out, he was not to be my final placement!
On May 10, 2017, I received a call regarding two sisters needing placements, and of course I said yes. ‘All right, we’ll be there later tonight,’ they said. When I answered the door, there stood this lovely, small little girl. Even though they stated two sisters would be coming, her name was Alexis Bowman, and I understood she was alone. Mercedes Bowman, her sister, had gotten herself into some problems and had been committed to a group home. I made certain they communicated as much as possible. We went on weekends when we had free time so that they could spend time together. Mercedes enjoyed showing off her sister to her group home buddies.
We needed to find a bigger apartment as Elijah grew older. We looked for a three-bedroom house and found one, not realizing that our family would grow much more. Alexis was missing her sister, and Mercedes was about to leave the group home, it turned out. When I learned about this, I immediately contacted the caseworker and discussed the possibility of Mercedes moving in with us. That was something the caseworker was all about.
We began with overnight visits before Mercedes moved in with us on March 16, 2018. The girls, as well as tiny Eli, were ecstatic. So now it was just me, a 30-year-old single mother with three children ranging in age from one to fifteen. What the hell was I thinking?
Do you have any idea what I was thinking? I absolutely adore these children and would not have it any other way. They were in need of a home, and I had many to provide. They were welcomed into my family right away. My family does not perceive race; they are simply children that needed someone. Yes, I’ve received a few stares while we’re out in public, but we ignore them and continue going. People have asked me, “Oh, are you babysitting?” to which I respond, “No, these are my children.” There were no questions. I never refer to my children as “foster children.” Because that is exactly what they are and will always be.
I asked the kids whether it was okay if I adopted them when they found out they could be adopted. No one had to think about their responses; it was a resounding YES! We discussed adoption with the caseworker, and she was convinced that we would be together forever. ‘Where have they been concealing you?’ she continued asking. We were all looking forward to starting this procedure.
The adoption process was lengthy and involved a great deal of paperwork. They asked the kids if they wanted to keep or change their last names. They would take the youngsters and speak with them to ensure that that was indeed what they desired. ‘Am I enough?’ I wondered frequently. Can I provide them with what they truly require?’ What’s more, guess what? That is something I am capable of. My family has been incredible in their support. They’ve always been there for me, even when people said, ‘Are you sure about adoption?’ That means you’ll be responsible for their financial well-being, right?’ ‘Do you think three kids isn’t a lot?’ But none of that was important to me! One of the finest recollections will always be the way they lighted up with joy when they found out what was about to happen.
One of the most memorable days of our life occurred on November 1, 2019. The day we officially joined Team Engleman! I moved from being a single person to a family of four. This isn’t the end, either, but we’re having fun right now.
What I want to say to everyone who has criticized me because I, a black woman, adopted three white children is that I am doing something that most people could not. These kids are in a wonderful household with a caring mother. In my home, love has no hue, and they are loved unconditionally. I’ve been talked about my entire life, but it’s never stopped me from doing what I was born to do. I have a goal, and I want to achieve it! If you’re thinking of fostering or adopting a child, I say go for it if it’s in your heart. One of the finest sensations in the world is knowing that you have helped a boy or girl find a home and a cause to be happy. It makes no difference if you’re single, divorced, married, black, or white. Someone’s life can be changed!”